The cool.

So when I turned 25 or so, I remember thinking, "it's going to be weird not to be in the most-coveted demographic anymore." I mean, most advertising at that point was aimed squarely at the high-school kids or college kids, those with either their parent's money or student loan runoff to spend. I thought it would be kind of nice to not have advertisements constantly crammed down my throat; thought this was the time where one breaks free from corporate-sculpted personas and begins to cultivate an original style.

Now that I'm 30 and have a baby on the way, though, I've discovered that there's no such thing as being outside a targeted demographic. Case in point: we spent our teenage years obsessed with being cool, and now we're at the age our parents were when we thought our parents were the least cool people on the planet. So we're freaking out, and we want to start families and whatnot without turning into our hopelessly square parents. I thought I was alone in, for example, wanting to dress my infant in hip, groovy ways that showed I wasn't into the whole pink-and-blue, lace-and-butterflies thing. Then I saw all this:

Cool baby clothes
Punk rock baby clothes
Retro Baby

Yup. Now instead of worrying that I'm being too square or too trendy, I can worry if my baby's too square or too trendy. And all I wanted when I started that google search was a onesie with a skull on it, for Baby Skullhead. Now I'm wondering when we get to stop worrying about being cool. I'm guessing when I turn 80, there'll be an entire product line of walkers, depends, and pill counters with flames, skulls, and rock band posters on them. Funny ol' world.

Diary: You had a baby in the Wal-Mart.

So this weekend me and the missus ended up at Wal-Mart. We promised ourselves we'd only go in, look for the cleaning product that Target didn't carry, and get out before we got tainted by the skanky Wal-Mart vibe. But we failed miserably -- we left with a cart full of stuff, including a new table and lamp for the basement. We also will probably be returning for a crib and a TV in the near future.

This caused us no end of stress, because -- well, to be blunt, we feel like we're better than Wal-Mart. Which, disconcertingly, means we must think we're better than the people who *do* shop at Wal-Mart. We're too cool, too eco-conscious, too globally-minded to shop at such an evil corporation. If we buy a crib there, our fellow hipsters will surely judge us. Well, maybe the Prius will buy us some points.

Thing is, I don't really know any of these fellow hipsters who would judge us for buying a crib at Wal-Mart. Everyone I know thinks we're stupid for not shopping at Wal-Mart, because they have the lowest prices. And I've always judged them for that -- surely anyone who is well-informed about the world around them would gladly pay an extra hundred dollars here and there than go to Wal-Mart, right? Right. . .

I'm not saying Wal-Mart's going to be my first stop for goods and services or anything, just saying that as I get older, my smug superiority gland seems to be shrinking. Not even the Prius purchase can make it swell up again. Maybe that's a good thing.

Linguistic politics.

"Maverick presidential nominee John McCain has chosen an equally maverick vice president, Sarah "maverick" Palin. The two mavericks promise to blaze new maverick trails in Maverickton, D.C., provided McCain wins the national maverick in November. McCain is scheduled to speak tonight on maverick care, national maverickurity, the maverickonomy, and overturning Roe Vs. Maverick. John McMaverick is then expected to rip Obama a new maverick for using the word 'change' too much."

Look, guys. THIS is maverick:

I swear, if you do a shot every time someone covering the RNC says 'maverick', you'll be dead in an hour. Even if you're listening to NPR, who ought to know better.

Lies, damn lies, and politics.

Well, I have to hand it to John McCain for running a campaign that's slightly atypical of the Republican party. There's not the terrorism fearmongering that you usually get -- nothing as bad as Hillary's 3 a.m. phone call ad. Instead, McCain's retreated to the traditional Republican stance: the other candidate is a left-wing liberal who wants to raise your taxes and spend all the money helping welfare mothers by crack. That tactic's a little less odious than the Homeland Security rap, because at least it's one that's clearly, patently, provably false.

Lies: Obama will RAISE YOUR TAXES OMG OMG.

The truth: Obama's tax plan would reduce the average tax bill by at least $1,000 in every income bracket except the very tip-top. It's true he doesn't support the extension of Bush's tax cuts, but his plan does include cuts, rebates, and credits for the middle class. If your income's below $200k a year, your taxes are going down.

Lies: Obama IS TOTALLY LIBERAL LEFT-WING COMMIE OMG OMG.
Obama's positions on those hot-button issues are decidedly moderate. He opposes late-term abortion. He supports civil unions for homosexual couples, not a legalization of gay marriage. He has a moderate take on gun control. Sure, if you think gay people should be put in concentration camps, that everyone has the right to have a tank in their front yard, then Obama looks liberal. But don't we all, in that case?

Lies: Obama's fiscal plan will INCREASE THE DEFICIT OMG OMG.

Truth: Obama's economic proposals are decidedly more fiscally conservative than Bush's. He actually plans to pay for the programs and changes he proposes by cutting spending and increasing corporate taxes. I don't want to get into all the details, but the truth is out there. Check out http://www.barackobama.com/issues/fiscal/ for details.

Lies: Obama IS SOFT ON SECURITY AND DOESN'T SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

Truth: Obama is not averse to using military force. In fact, he supported sending more troops into Afghanistan to actually finish the job there. He wants our troops to be deployed only when necessary, and to have the equipment they need, and to be treated well when they return. He cares far more about the military than the Republicans have for the past eight years.

Lies: Obama LACKS EXPERIENCE.

Truth: If experience = time spent in Washington, then maybe. But if you look at Obama's real-life experience, what he's done in his home state and in his brief time in the Senate, you can see that he knows what he's doing. Let's face it: no presidential candidate has all the knowledge he needs to do the job. W certainly didn't; he relied on people like Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld to advise him. Obama will do the same, only his advisors might possibly be less... oh ... EVIL. What's more, McCain just chose a VP, someone who quite possibly would end up being president, given that McCain is slightly older than God, who has less than two years' experience as a governor and no experience in Washington. Clearly, experience isn't everything.

Lies: Obama is secretly a MUSLIM TERRORIST OMG OMG.

Granted, McCain hasn't leveled this charge; he's let the 527's speak for him. The truth is, if it matters to you, Obama's a Christian. He attends church regularly and talks candidly about his faith.

Oh, and one more bonus lie:

McCain is a MAVERICK W00T.

McCain votes with W 90% of the time. Do we really need 10% change in this country?

Look, if you don't want to vote for Obama because he takes a moderate pro-choice position, or he doesn't favor abstinence-only education, or Republicans are just somehow more Godly, that's your choice. But don't cast that vote for McCain -- that vote for 4 more years of Bush's failed policies -- based on the lies we're being told. Check out Obama's stances for yourself, and if you have an hour, watch his acceptance speech. I guarantee it's an eye-opener.



Lies: Obama is SECRETLY A MUSLIM TERRORIST.